I want to share how powerful love is.
I have been ill for over a month. Yes, over a month. I don't know if you have experienced dealing with being ill for such a long time but I am here to tell you, it takes it toll on not only your body but also on your mind and spirit. You feel like your own body is betraying you! To top it off, not only have I been dealing with illness, It happens to be a very emotional time of the year for me. The month of November, the month I lost my daughter. The month of January the month of her birth. Not to mention all of the things I often celebrate during this time of year, Samhain, Thanksgiving, the New Year and five of my children have birthdays between December 12th and February 3rd. Saying I have been overwhelmed is an understatement. I went to my doctor a few days ago and she ordered me on bed rest for a few days. All I could think was "Bed rest? Are you serious? All I have been doing is laying around sick?!" I realized on my third day of bed rest that I had fallen into a pretty low place. Not wanting to burden my husband or my children (as if they don't feel my lack of positive energy) I realized I had isolated myself.
So here is the good part. This is the part where LOVE picked me up. I have written about my maternal grandmother before. She was not only the woman who raised me but she was a serious source of love and strength in my life. She passed away in 2009. I sat by her bedside for a week until her last breath. I loved this woman. I still love this woman. Like any other person, she had her flaws but the goodness in her far outweighed anything else that could be perceived as negativity. So, this morning, I was talking to my mother and I was explaining to her how I wish I could just crawl in my grandmother's bed and have one of our many talks where she would just pour love and encouragement into me. After crying for about ten minutes, I closed my eyes and I began to talk to my grandmother. I began to ask for her love, her guidance, her wisdom. I began to pour my heart and immediately, I felt her presence. I felt her love. I heard her gentle voice. I remembered her being a woman of prayer. I remembered her being a woman who found strength to keep living and loving no matter what life threw her way. I could hear her voice saying "You are going to be okay, Pooda." I got myself up. I decided to let go and let God.
I have been saying that love is stronger than death and this is yet another example of why I feel this in my soul. Although my grandmother passed on, leaving this natural realm of existence. It was her love for me that was the light that pulled me from a place of heaviness and darkness...
I could NEVER thank God enough for having the love of my grandmother! Her love has been my rock ALL of my life!
