Thanksgiving was my Maternal grandmother's favorite holiday. She loved nothing more than feeding her family and having us all together under one roof. She passed that spirit down to me and I am very happy to carry it.
Now I know there are people who want to remind us of the brutal origins of this American Holiday. There are people who probably feel like it is not worthy of celebration. They don't want us to celebrate the cruelty and violence that was enforced upon the Native Americans and feel this holiday, in particular is promoting a false interpretation of that.
While I can respect and appreciate this view, I must point out that there are not many things that are being followed, practiced or celebrated as originally created. However we have, as humans tend to do, found a way to take the seed of something, find the good in it, evolve it and grow it into something useful and good for us. It is called human nature. I am sure things will continue to go this way. I actually hope they do. I am glad that we have found a way to turn something that was traumatic and infuse it with joy, celebration and thankfulness.
May the spirit of openness that the Native Americans carried bring us blessings on this holiday!
I appreciate any excuse to spend time with the ones I love most.
Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!
Tuesday, November 24, 2015
Wednesday, November 4, 2015
Relationships Change Love Is Love
This past year has been a very emotional time for me. I have changed in a way that I find hard to explain. I looked around my house today and noticed that I live in a house that is filled with shrines to the dead. I took a few moments and wondered why it is this way? What I realized is that I have a very firm belief in love.
I know that love is probably the one word that can be argued of its meaning by any and everyone. I wish I could simplify what it means to me. In an effort to do that I can say this.
I believe that in order for me to fulfill my purpose in life, I must find love in all things. Love for me is the essence of divinity. It is anchored in wisdom. Even though that may sound fluffy and airy it really isn't. When I learned the difference between how the way I relate to someone or something can change and I came to understand that changes have to be made sometimes in order to maintain love, my heart opened up and I felt a freedom like I had never felt before.
When you have lost someone that you love so deeply that you can not imagine going another day, another moment without them. it forces your heart to open up in a different way. I have experienced this type of loss and I can declare that the love does not die. Although you are forced to relate to that person in a different way. The way you relate may now just be lighting a candle or dedicating a few moments of your day to their memory.
For me that falls into and shows the ever changing waves of life and relationships. It is most important to keep the love and change the relationship if it demands to be changed.
Sometimes if I have been deeply hurt or violated by someone whom I share love with. I have learned that the violation served as a way to get my attention that there needs to be a shift in the way that I am relating to that person. It may require space. It may require less time spent. It may require a closer relationship and understanding of each other. It never ever requires to throw love away, not for me. It calls me to find where the love is and nurture that and be willing to make whatever change that must be made to maintain that love. Change is hard and scary sometimes. However it is far more scary to leave this earth without knowing that I loved hard and strong and true. It is imperative that my loved ones know without any doubt that I showed love and did my very best to make sure there are no doubts when I leave this earth that I walked in the spirit of love.
Now I am not ready to say what should be or should not be for anyone else. I can only speak to what is true for me and share that in hopes that someone who reads may find some light in a dark space.
Relationships change by nature
And love...
Love is love by nature
I know that love is probably the one word that can be argued of its meaning by any and everyone. I wish I could simplify what it means to me. In an effort to do that I can say this.
I believe that in order for me to fulfill my purpose in life, I must find love in all things. Love for me is the essence of divinity. It is anchored in wisdom. Even though that may sound fluffy and airy it really isn't. When I learned the difference between how the way I relate to someone or something can change and I came to understand that changes have to be made sometimes in order to maintain love, my heart opened up and I felt a freedom like I had never felt before.
When you have lost someone that you love so deeply that you can not imagine going another day, another moment without them. it forces your heart to open up in a different way. I have experienced this type of loss and I can declare that the love does not die. Although you are forced to relate to that person in a different way. The way you relate may now just be lighting a candle or dedicating a few moments of your day to their memory.
For me that falls into and shows the ever changing waves of life and relationships. It is most important to keep the love and change the relationship if it demands to be changed.
Sometimes if I have been deeply hurt or violated by someone whom I share love with. I have learned that the violation served as a way to get my attention that there needs to be a shift in the way that I am relating to that person. It may require space. It may require less time spent. It may require a closer relationship and understanding of each other. It never ever requires to throw love away, not for me. It calls me to find where the love is and nurture that and be willing to make whatever change that must be made to maintain that love. Change is hard and scary sometimes. However it is far more scary to leave this earth without knowing that I loved hard and strong and true. It is imperative that my loved ones know without any doubt that I showed love and did my very best to make sure there are no doubts when I leave this earth that I walked in the spirit of love.
Now I am not ready to say what should be or should not be for anyone else. I can only speak to what is true for me and share that in hopes that someone who reads may find some light in a dark space.
Relationships change by nature
And love...
Love is love by nature
Thursday, September 24, 2015
The Abuse of Substance
I am going to climb myself up on this moral soap box for a moment. Please forgive me because harm is in no way my intent nor is offense.
Last night, I had to crawl out of my bed and drive an hour away from home to retrieve my son from paramedics at a concert he attended (against my advice) because he glorifies being high and decided to take some drugs from some strangers with no knowledge of what he was putting in his temple (body) just to get that high.
Now, I could write a book on how substance abuse has affected my life and I certainly have not held back on sharing it with my son.
I am compelled to write about is this misunderstanding that people seem to have that a substance is good or bad. I feel as though the substance is simply a tool to serve the need of the person using it. Therefore I do not find the harm in the plant itself. I find the harm in the desire of the people to be removed from the reality of the present moment. I find the harm in the need to be numb, the need to be above what is, in a superficial way. I feel the harm in making a substance your lord.
In this case, my dear boy was void of thought for anyone besides himself and caught up in a mere feeling. I can speculate many reasons why this is the case but whatever the cause may be, every person who was touched by his choice had to feel the reality of his misplaced worship and even more so some were harmed by his choice to engage in the use of a "harmless" substance.
I am troubled with his choice not to respect the power of that decision. His choice to ignore what was right in front of him for what he mistakes as love for the substance. His choice to abuse and almost lose his temple in search of something he foolishly perceives can be found in a substance and not inside of his own freedom and rationality. His choice to engage in arrogance over love.
I have not completely processed this. I am still making an attempt to understand the message this incident is carrying for my soul.
For now my heart aches for my boy, my heart aches for all of the dear ones who begin this way and find themselves tangled in the web of what we know as substance abuse.
Last night, I had to crawl out of my bed and drive an hour away from home to retrieve my son from paramedics at a concert he attended (against my advice) because he glorifies being high and decided to take some drugs from some strangers with no knowledge of what he was putting in his temple (body) just to get that high.
Now, I could write a book on how substance abuse has affected my life and I certainly have not held back on sharing it with my son.
I am compelled to write about is this misunderstanding that people seem to have that a substance is good or bad. I feel as though the substance is simply a tool to serve the need of the person using it. Therefore I do not find the harm in the plant itself. I find the harm in the desire of the people to be removed from the reality of the present moment. I find the harm in the need to be numb, the need to be above what is, in a superficial way. I feel the harm in making a substance your lord.
In this case, my dear boy was void of thought for anyone besides himself and caught up in a mere feeling. I can speculate many reasons why this is the case but whatever the cause may be, every person who was touched by his choice had to feel the reality of his misplaced worship and even more so some were harmed by his choice to engage in the use of a "harmless" substance.
I am troubled with his choice not to respect the power of that decision. His choice to ignore what was right in front of him for what he mistakes as love for the substance. His choice to abuse and almost lose his temple in search of something he foolishly perceives can be found in a substance and not inside of his own freedom and rationality. His choice to engage in arrogance over love.
I have not completely processed this. I am still making an attempt to understand the message this incident is carrying for my soul.
For now my heart aches for my boy, my heart aches for all of the dear ones who begin this way and find themselves tangled in the web of what we know as substance abuse.
Monday, July 6, 2015
Self Righteous Much?
This morning I am thinking about how truly absurd self righteousness is.
We have become so self righteous in our culture that we have somehow forgotten how to have true compassion for others.
We have tricked ourselves into believing that somehow our experiences and understanding of things are Superior to the experience and understanding of others. It is as if we don't believe in our core that The Divine is in all things. Do we really believe that the light of wisdom and truth of it shines on all of us?
Once we join in this energy of needing to strip away the belief of someone else, what then do we do with that person? Are we now responsible for teaching them and leading them? If so, are we leading them towards Divine Truth or are we leading them astray?
Is it safe to say that my way of looking at things is for me only. Is it safe to say I have no obligation to live by the guidelines of someone else? Is it safe to say that I can be open to the way someone else believes and gain wisdom according to my own understanding of it? Can something that feels right for one feel wrong for another? Is it possible to love someone regardless of what we consider their sin? Isn't it possible that many sins are hidden from the natural eye? Is it possible that I am given the gift of judgement so that I can understand what is correct or incorrect for my own life? Is it possible that there is a Divine message for me in all things, even the things I consider wrong or bad?
I think our current culture could benefit greatly if we asked ourselves questions like these and if we examined our desire to be self righteous and toned it down a little.
We have become so self righteous in our culture that we have somehow forgotten how to have true compassion for others.
We have tricked ourselves into believing that somehow our experiences and understanding of things are Superior to the experience and understanding of others. It is as if we don't believe in our core that The Divine is in all things. Do we really believe that the light of wisdom and truth of it shines on all of us?
Once we join in this energy of needing to strip away the belief of someone else, what then do we do with that person? Are we now responsible for teaching them and leading them? If so, are we leading them towards Divine Truth or are we leading them astray?
Is it safe to say that my way of looking at things is for me only. Is it safe to say I have no obligation to live by the guidelines of someone else? Is it safe to say that I can be open to the way someone else believes and gain wisdom according to my own understanding of it? Can something that feels right for one feel wrong for another? Is it possible to love someone regardless of what we consider their sin? Isn't it possible that many sins are hidden from the natural eye? Is it possible that I am given the gift of judgement so that I can understand what is correct or incorrect for my own life? Is it possible that there is a Divine message for me in all things, even the things I consider wrong or bad?
I think our current culture could benefit greatly if we asked ourselves questions like these and if we examined our desire to be self righteous and toned it down a little.
Friday, June 5, 2015
Islam
I was 14 years old when I became a Muslim. I didn't choose the religion because it was the religion of my mother. I did not choose the religion to defy my grandmother who raised me as a Christian. I chose the path of Islam because I was a young woman who was damaged and needed peace in my life. I was willing to do anything to have it.
For ten years I PRACTICED the Islamic way of life. I was devout to the teachings and principles of the religion. I was willing to understand on a deeper level the why behind every action and deed. In my practice, I learned more than I could possibly write. Some of the most important things I learned was how to live in peace, how to forgive, how to serve and how to love others. For the ten years I practiced the religion, I as a woman, covered my entire body when outside of my home and was always escorted by my husband who ensured that no physical harm would come to me. Everything was covered, my hands, my eyes, my feet, everything. I felt honored and protected in a way I never had before. It made me the woman, wife and mother I am today. I met Muslim women from all over the world, some who became very dear friends and sisters.
When I seemingly abruptly left the Muslim community, it left many of those who were close to me confused and feeling as if I had turned my back on the very thing that saved my life. For those who cared enough to ask my reasons, I could talk until breathless and they still did not understand. My reasoning for leaving was just as personal as my reason for embracing it. Simply put, I returned to my father and the teachings of my ancestors. I decided to carry with me all of the lessons of how to live in peace and how to keep my heart loving and my mind open.
As I read and hear all of the recent news of "Islamic Extremism" I wonder, if I and my children would have been included as one of "those people". after all my children were so far removed from the world, they thought a television at a relatives house was a microwave. I was married when I was 14 years old and left Public School in the 8th grade and home schooled with my husband and my primary interest in learning was to learn Arabic so I could read The Holy Quran. Many of my friends and loved ones in the Islamic community, including my mother are living in a world which is growing more hostile by the day towards a way of life that just isn't being understood in its essence.
I ask myself "How can a way of life that I identify as an anchor in peace be so misunderstood and hated?" I will not deny that there may be those who are engaging in violence but I ask myself. Is it violence or defense?
My hope is that the peace of Islam be respected and understood and more stories like mine are told. It makes me sad that radicalism and violence are the primary narrative.
For ten years I PRACTICED the Islamic way of life. I was devout to the teachings and principles of the religion. I was willing to understand on a deeper level the why behind every action and deed. In my practice, I learned more than I could possibly write. Some of the most important things I learned was how to live in peace, how to forgive, how to serve and how to love others. For the ten years I practiced the religion, I as a woman, covered my entire body when outside of my home and was always escorted by my husband who ensured that no physical harm would come to me. Everything was covered, my hands, my eyes, my feet, everything. I felt honored and protected in a way I never had before. It made me the woman, wife and mother I am today. I met Muslim women from all over the world, some who became very dear friends and sisters.
When I seemingly abruptly left the Muslim community, it left many of those who were close to me confused and feeling as if I had turned my back on the very thing that saved my life. For those who cared enough to ask my reasons, I could talk until breathless and they still did not understand. My reasoning for leaving was just as personal as my reason for embracing it. Simply put, I returned to my father and the teachings of my ancestors. I decided to carry with me all of the lessons of how to live in peace and how to keep my heart loving and my mind open.
As I read and hear all of the recent news of "Islamic Extremism" I wonder, if I and my children would have been included as one of "those people". after all my children were so far removed from the world, they thought a television at a relatives house was a microwave. I was married when I was 14 years old and left Public School in the 8th grade and home schooled with my husband and my primary interest in learning was to learn Arabic so I could read The Holy Quran. Many of my friends and loved ones in the Islamic community, including my mother are living in a world which is growing more hostile by the day towards a way of life that just isn't being understood in its essence.
I ask myself "How can a way of life that I identify as an anchor in peace be so misunderstood and hated?" I will not deny that there may be those who are engaging in violence but I ask myself. Is it violence or defense?
My hope is that the peace of Islam be respected and understood and more stories like mine are told. It makes me sad that radicalism and violence are the primary narrative.
Friday, February 20, 2015
Blood Ties
This week in my moments of meditation. I have been been thinking deeply about family. Sometimes because of circumstances we tend to feel closer and relate to people whom we do not share DNA with and we often feel as though those relationships are far more valuable for us. I think it is a way of honoring and loving ourselves by making the choice to be open to those who breathe what we feel is positive or necessary in our lives even if they do not share our blood. I do not discredit this at all and certainly I have found comfort and solace in these types of relationships. When they no longer serve their purpose there is ease in letting them go and acknowledging the need to move on.
Our blood relatives can be very difficult. Especially when we feel forced to live with or deal with them. Sometimes when we want to let go we are so rooted to them it seems almost impossible. As a girl I was forced to live with and "respect" a blood relative who was violating me in the most heinous ways a young girl can be violated. I have witnessed more slander, envy, malice and ill will among some of my blood relatives than I have strangers. So I asked myself. Why on earth should I honor these people?
Then I reminded myself as I must do often that the Divine is in all things. I just had to sit and listen.
My ancestors made decisions and handed the reality of some of those decisions down to me. My blood relatives are a gift. They have taught me more than anyone the power of love and the power of forgiveness. They have forced me to face and embrace compassion. They have taught me how to be there with someone with true empathy through hardships and how to weather the storm. They have shown me my most ugliest self and what is beautiful about me. They always offer me the opportunity to get back up when I have fallen from grace. There is something down right holy in the unspoken understanding that we have.
My family, my blood is a treasure chest of life and love and all of its goodness and truth. Honoring them is not only honoring myself but honoring my ancestors. This is why I must obey and honor the tie of blood and kinship. Even at times when I want to cut it. A wise man once told me that a tree will die if you cut its roots. I have realized that in order to be a beautiful tree full of life, I must find a way to nourish and water the root instead.
Our blood relatives can be very difficult. Especially when we feel forced to live with or deal with them. Sometimes when we want to let go we are so rooted to them it seems almost impossible. As a girl I was forced to live with and "respect" a blood relative who was violating me in the most heinous ways a young girl can be violated. I have witnessed more slander, envy, malice and ill will among some of my blood relatives than I have strangers. So I asked myself. Why on earth should I honor these people?
Then I reminded myself as I must do often that the Divine is in all things. I just had to sit and listen.
My ancestors made decisions and handed the reality of some of those decisions down to me. My blood relatives are a gift. They have taught me more than anyone the power of love and the power of forgiveness. They have forced me to face and embrace compassion. They have taught me how to be there with someone with true empathy through hardships and how to weather the storm. They have shown me my most ugliest self and what is beautiful about me. They always offer me the opportunity to get back up when I have fallen from grace. There is something down right holy in the unspoken understanding that we have.
My family, my blood is a treasure chest of life and love and all of its goodness and truth. Honoring them is not only honoring myself but honoring my ancestors. This is why I must obey and honor the tie of blood and kinship. Even at times when I want to cut it. A wise man once told me that a tree will die if you cut its roots. I have realized that in order to be a beautiful tree full of life, I must find a way to nourish and water the root instead.
Monday, February 9, 2015
The Conspiracy In The Conspiracy
It has become the new trend. Conspiracies are everywhere. "They" are out to get us. "They" want us to be blind to their schemes and manipulation. "They" have us believing their propaganda. "They" have enslaved us. "They" are behind everything poisonous and dangerous.
I am concerned now. I am not as much concerned with "Them" as I am with the people who have joined the movement against "Them". I will be the first to admit that there are many things corrupt in this world. I will also tell you that I believe on some level corruption is necessary. I am a believer in The Divine and therefore I believe that the Divine is in all things, including corruption. The corruption, in the way I see it, has been created for no other use but to draw mankind to his purpose and his Creator. Now I know for some people I am a bit off my rocker and that is okay. The reason I am explaining this is because I am more afraid of the zealous belief in US vs THEM. The separation. The we are the righteous and we know the truth and you little stupid people over there are being misled by "Them"....Sound familiar? It does to me also. Sounds a bit like false religion and the many faces of self loving ego.
I am an advocate of being educated. I am an advocate of eating healthy. I am an advocate of being knowledgeable and aware. I am an advocate of digging deeper. I am an advocate of making the right choices for me. I do not advocate being arrogant to the point of thinking that what is right for me is right for everyone else I come in contact with. I do not advocate that somehow if they refuse to follow or engage in my way they are less than I am.
I once engaged in ignorance. I ate very unhealthy. I walked around unaware. I felt at ease with a surface mind and empty thoughts. At times I still engage in these habits and behaviors.
I still want love and acceptance. I still want forgiveness. I still want validation that I am exactly where I am supposed to be in my life. I still want to be led to truth through the Divine however the Divine chooses to speak that truth to me, even if it is through "Them". I still want the freedom to choose what is good and true, not have it forced out of me or made to feel so guilty I falsely submit.
I guess I am a believer that I am responsible, me, not "Them" for my life, for my choices, for my beliefs.
I am concerned now. I am not as much concerned with "Them" as I am with the people who have joined the movement against "Them". I will be the first to admit that there are many things corrupt in this world. I will also tell you that I believe on some level corruption is necessary. I am a believer in The Divine and therefore I believe that the Divine is in all things, including corruption. The corruption, in the way I see it, has been created for no other use but to draw mankind to his purpose and his Creator. Now I know for some people I am a bit off my rocker and that is okay. The reason I am explaining this is because I am more afraid of the zealous belief in US vs THEM. The separation. The we are the righteous and we know the truth and you little stupid people over there are being misled by "Them"....Sound familiar? It does to me also. Sounds a bit like false religion and the many faces of self loving ego.
I am an advocate of being educated. I am an advocate of eating healthy. I am an advocate of being knowledgeable and aware. I am an advocate of digging deeper. I am an advocate of making the right choices for me. I do not advocate being arrogant to the point of thinking that what is right for me is right for everyone else I come in contact with. I do not advocate that somehow if they refuse to follow or engage in my way they are less than I am.
I once engaged in ignorance. I ate very unhealthy. I walked around unaware. I felt at ease with a surface mind and empty thoughts. At times I still engage in these habits and behaviors.
I still want love and acceptance. I still want forgiveness. I still want validation that I am exactly where I am supposed to be in my life. I still want to be led to truth through the Divine however the Divine chooses to speak that truth to me, even if it is through "Them". I still want the freedom to choose what is good and true, not have it forced out of me or made to feel so guilty I falsely submit.
I guess I am a believer that I am responsible, me, not "Them" for my life, for my choices, for my beliefs.
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