Good Mother

Because I was born into what many perceive as an unconventional home as a child I had to adjust my heart to be okay with my truth. It took years to learn how to be comfortable in my own reality. My parents did not raise me. My mother did not read me bedtime stories and tuck me gently into bed at night. My mother didn't bake cookies and kiss my forehead as she sent me out the door to school. What my mother did do for me was carry me around in her body for 40 weeks and she gave birth to me. Of course she has done much more throughout my life but if she had never done another thing, that is enough. It really is. I am saying this because I had to learn that anything anyone does for me is a gift to me and it is my obligation to be grateful for it. If I was ever going to have a meaningful and healthy relationship with my parents, I had to accept our truth. Not someone else's. My parents are not people who have loads of material riches but they are wealthy in love, generosity, patience, wisdom, support and comfort. I would have missed out on their many gifts and graces had I walked around on this earth holding them to someone else's  standards or to the standards that society deems acceptable.
Now, I have eight children. Eight people I have carried, birthed and yes, I have raised them with lots of help from loved ones. Because of my own personal experience with my parents. I have let go of the expectations of others in my own parenting. I have learned to live in my own truth. I have allowed my heart to guide me at times against what my head thinks is right. I have made many mistakes with my children, I have allowed ego and influence to rule me at times, but I have never done anything with intent to harm them. I do not carry any guilt. I do not harbor any regrets. I understand that I am a person who is walking through this life just as they are. I am learning and growing each day. My life calls for me to remain open and absorb as much wisdom and beauty that I can endure. My life calls for me to share my light with those who need me to. That is pretty much it. If that makes me a better mother, then so be it. I am not looking to be a "good mother" I am looking to be a better person than who I was yesterday. I don't owe my children my life. My obligation to them is to love them. I am not concerned about how that looks or feels to others. I know my heart. I know my truth. I am so thankful to my parents for this very real life lesson.