Sometimes the people we love the most are the ones who seem to crawl right up under our skin and burn it from the inside out with their many human complexities.
There are the subtle yet blatant forms of disapproval and discontent we mangle ourselves in.
Before we know it, we are tangled in a web of deep inner thoughts that feed our comfort with all of the reasons to let go of the love.
We start searching for all of the reasons we should turn away from loving them so much.
We feed ourselves thoughts that will be sure to harden our hearts over time.
We feed the spirits of envy, deception, entitlement and self righteousness.
It feels hard to love through the storm of differences and we began to tell ourselves it is impossible.
It is amazing how we can flat out refuse to forgive when we desire it for ourselves.
At the end of the day, the question I ask myself when I find that I have engaged in this type of self manipulation is this...
"Is it worth me carrying to my dreams and into the next day if I live to see it" and "Am I comfortable having this in my heart if this person I proclaim to love was to leave this earth"
After evaluating, I usually decide to forgive and continue to search for love. I begin to feed myself all of the loving thoughts I can muster about that person. Before you know it, I am finding reasons to see the good in them. I start to appreciate their presence in my life. I feel an amazing peace come over my entire being.
I can then relate to them from a place of wisdom. I can approach our difficulties with care and understanding. I can truly appreciate the diversity and their own unique way of seeing the world. I no longer have the need for things to be MY way.
There have been times where I have held on much longer than a day or two but I am learning to let go.
I am learning that I ALWAYS have a choice to love.
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